Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
should my penis look like a turkey
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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