I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
