I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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