I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
