I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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