Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
