when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
