You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
