Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
