Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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