We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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