how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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