i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
