She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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