i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
