Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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