And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is my gift to your gina
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
