yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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