hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
