Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're like the curious george of whores
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
