I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
