had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
