If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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