Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
