Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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