Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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