The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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