so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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