I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found puke in my bra..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
