there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
