Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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