Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
