he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
