I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
