dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
