..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
