Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
