I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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