It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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