If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
