I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize