so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
