You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
