Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
