the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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