My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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