at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
