I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
