Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
