chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
did i just pee glitter
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