took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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