I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
