the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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