I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
