If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
