I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
