Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
