trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
