I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
