Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
