Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

Your tits are I can't wait for

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(802): View more from Vermont

But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

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(315): View more from New York

mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?

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(317): View more from Indiana

What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.

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(206): View more from Washington

Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.

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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life

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(650): View more from California

Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives

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