i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
