already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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