I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no you cant smoke seaweed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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