Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
